


Master of Puppets

by orphan_account



Series: Episodes from Gensokyo [2]
Category: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Touhou Project
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Character Interpretation, Awkwardness, Bombing, Bounty Hunters, Clothing Damage, Crime Fighting, Fear of prolonged physical contact, Foreign Language, Hallucinogens, Mild Annoyance, Photography, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Recreational Drug Use, Reimu is a Cockney gangster, Sharing a Bed, Superheroes, Supervillains, Technology Lag, Tooth Removal, Utsuho's Logic is flawless., Vandalism, survivalism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-05
Updated: 2013-12-20
Packaged: 2017-12-30 05:53:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1014915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>By day, Alice Margatroid is your average reclusive dollmaker. Prefers to keep to herself, but otherwise friendly. At night, she dons the eyemask of the Puppeteer, ending crime wherever it rears its ugly head.</p>
<p>However, a dastardly new supervillain has emerged! Every night, a random person is inconvenienced slightly by a mysterious girl with an upper-class accent. Can the Puppeteer stop her reign of mild annoyance, or will Gensokyo fall to her deadly plans?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

 Master of Puppets.

Because I felt like writing a second episode.

 

    Aya checked through her camera’s memory, leaning back on her large, red office chair. Most were usual quick pictures snapped from the hip, and some were practise shots of landscapes and landmarks. However, one was different...one was…

 

_Photobombed._

 

    “No...” Aya whispered, her hands trembling. The camera dropped to the floor, before Aya collapsed in shock, shaking and hugging her knees. Lightning cracked outside as a freak storm began.

 

    “They said it couldn’t happen! They said it was impossible!” Aya cried, tears streaming down her face. She rolled around and saw a pair of snow covered hiking steel-toed boots. She looked up at the camouflaged tengu, who had a face between laughing and pure anger.

 

    “Yeah, I’m not happy about visiting you either. So get up and quit your crying,” the white wolf tengu grunted, adjusting her white and red shield on her arm. “I need updated pictures of the North side of the Mountain. There’s been multiple rockslides and all our maps are useless.”

 

    “The photos...my photos...” Aya sobbed, hugging a pile of film containers like a mother holding her child. “Momiji...she...I can’t even...”

 

    The soldier looked dimly at Aya. She knew the crow tengu well, mostly through multiple punch-ups and swearing at each other. She hated that her unit’s effectiveness relied on Aya, who was currently hugging a pile of undeveloped film, whispering “I’ll keep you safe, babies.” The defence of the Mountain was at stake here. She needed maps, and Aya was too busy getting hysterical over a miszoomed lens or something equally petty.

 

    Momiji sighed. “What happened?”

 

    “The...photos...” Aya responded, looking like she wouldn’t have minded if Momiji had stabbed her and went to look for someone actually competent, which was a very tempting thought to the wolf tengu. “My photo was bombed!”

 

    Momiji’s ears pricked up and she dropped to all fours, sniffing the air. “Bombs?! Where?!”

 

    “The camera...” Aya replied, grabbing Momiji’s leg as the soldier stood up again, before the soldier kicked her hand off.

 

    The tengu leaned over and picked the camera up, before checking the latest photo.

 

    It was a recon photo of the Scarlet Devil Mansion - a large, Western red brick building the tengu held interest in as a potential military base should the need ever arise, taken from a nearby hill, except a pale figure with an eyemask was leaning into the shot, smiling and making the peace sign.

 

    Aya was upset over this.

 

    Momiji sighed, before giving a sharp kick to the journalist’s ribs. “Get a damned hold of yourself. You’re not paid to cry because a photo got ruined by some punk. Now get up and get me some photos.”

 

    The soldier left, slamming the door behind her. Aya rolled around and sat in the pile of film. Her perfect record...shattered by a masked madwoman. And her ribs hurt from Momiji’s kick. Her quality of life had taken a very sudden turn downwards.

 

-[o+o]-

 

    Alice opened her eyes slowly and squinted at the morning sun. She rolled out of bed and landed on the floorboards with a thud, before picking herself up with a little grunt and checking the clock. It was one in the afternoon.

 

    “Argh. Too early…” Alice complained. She stood up slowly, before checking herself out in the large mirror next to her bed. She was wearing yesterday’s clothes and her hair was sticking up in random places, but she ignored it. Nobody was coming today. She tried remembering the last time she showered, before smelling her armpit and shrugging. Water was expensive in the summer anyway.

 

    The dollmaker looked at the calendar on the opposite wall. There weren’t any doll quotas to fill today, as she had over-produced last week, so she basically had the whole day to herself, provided nothing stupid happened. Alice noticed a large crack in the white drywall above her bed, before deciding to ignore it. She pushed open the oak door separating her bedroom and living room, and dragged herself inside like a zombie.

 

    She jumped backwards onto the couch, before focusing on her beloved doll, Shanghai. The doll shuddered, before turning to the dollmaker. Alice nodded, before it floated into the kitchen and picked up a small can of cola left on the surface near the direct sunlight of a window, before delivering it to Alice. The dollmaker took the warm can, before Shanghai fell to the ground, once again lifeless.

 

    Alice opened the can and turned on her large, wooden-panelled, black and white TV with the remote.

 

    “...And that’s how Tewi Inaba got banned from the Toyota dealership. Rabbits aren’t good drivers, people,” the young, attractive newscaster beamed. He arranged his papers. “In other news, famous tengu journalist Aya Shameimaru is offering a reward for the capture of this mysterious photobomber.”

 

    Alice checked out the picture that flashed on the TV. It showed the Scarlet Devil Mansion, but with a masked girl blocking the shot. Alice took a sip of her cola.

 

    “Miss Shameimaru is offering a 点5,000,000 reward for the capture of this figure.”

 

   Alice spat a mouthful of sun-warmed cola all over the TV screen. That was a lot of money she was offering just to capture a prankster, and it was money she wanted, so she could buy more boxes of gunpowder for doll stuffing, and maybe with the rest of the money, she could buy another gun. She already had enough bolt-action rifles and bullets to arm a decently-sized militia, but one more could never hurt. Even if the construction of her ultimate survival bunker had failed due to a cave-in, her house was still very out of the way, and she had enough agriculture manuals to educate a continent.

 

    “Hmm...” Alice whispered to herself, commanding Shanghai to clean the TV screen. “If people see me, they’ll think I’m greedy. Which isn’t the case, I just want money. And then they’ll try and arrange interviews and stuff, and screw that...”

 

    The dollmaker looked at what the TV was playing now. A man in a tight costume was swinging through a badly drawn cityscape. The picture quality made it difficult to tell much else, aside from a black spider on his back. The animated masked man took a photo in the direction of the viewer as a theme song blared.

 

    Alice was struck by a moment of inspiration. She needed to disguise herself so that nobody would know it’s her claiming the money. Especially Marisa. If Marisa found out, she would never see her money again. Or her clothes. Or her precious organs.

 

    She would become a superhero so that people would be begging to throw money at her. Even if somebody else got the photobomber, she could still become universally loved as a saviour. Maybe even enough so that she could finally defeat Marisa in their bet of: “Who could one-up Reimu the most before she’s unable to respond?”

 

    Alice grinned. This was an amazing plan. Nothing could go wrong.

 

-[o+o]-

 

    Reimu slammed the newspaper on the table, upsetting the balance of two vodka bottles, both of which tipped over and rolled onto the floor. That tengu journalist was finally being useful. She was offering a lot of money for a simple capture of a prankster. The shrine maiden looked outside at the lonely donation box. Not even the addition of a smiley face asking for “Donations pweeze” had swayed any visitors to donate. If there were any visitors to donate that was, aside from Marisa, who was more concerned with eating all of Reimu’s digestive biscuits, and Suika, who was more concerned with stealing her electricity and vodka. It was a rare day when Reimu did not find an extension cable leading off into the woods nearby towards Suika’s shack, a trail of bottles punctuating the fact that everything the shrine maiden ever earned was eventually stolen by people claiming to be her friends.

 

    Reimu sighed, before looking at the newspaper again. The picture showed the Scarlet Devil Mansion. That was the first place to look.

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

    “Have you seen this?” Rin asked, showing her friend her newspaper copy and sipping her third coffee of the hour. “Lots of money.”

 

    “Aw yeah,” Utsuho responded, turning to Twilight Sparkle. “You hear that Twi? Money!”

 

    “...I need water...” Twilight gasped, her throat dry from the sheer heat of Hell. As she had figured out previously in her life, Hell was quite warm. “I can’t keep drinking beer for moisture...I don’t even like beer...”

 

   “Ah, you don’t need water! I don’t drink water!” Utsuho slapped Twilight on the back. “You’ll be fine! Just takes some getting used to!”

 

   “So, where should we look for this prankster?” Rin asked, pouring another cup of coffee.

 

   “The joke shop in the Former Capital!” Utsuho replied, jumping from her seat like an F/A-18E getting catapulted from an aircraft carrier’s deck.

 

   “Why? The picture shows the Scarlet Devi-”

 

   “Because pranksters love joke shops! They exist in a permanent state of symbiosis - the prankster consumes the jokes, and the joke shop consumes their money. They exist in perfect harmony,” Utsuho stated, rubbing her chin. “So if we take all the jokes away, say, by firebombing the joke shop, we’ll find a bunch of pranksters starving to death on the floor. So if we find the one in the picture, and give her a whoopee cushion to survive, then we’ll get our prankster, and then we get money, which means we can become the richest people in the world!”

 

    A fire sparked in Utsuho’s eyes as a malicious grin crawled across her face. Her fiery ambition was re-ignited by this realisation - To watch cities aflame, to send legions of loyal soldiers into the fires of war, and to reduce people to atoms she would use to smash into other atoms to destroy their friends so that she could use their atoms to smash into other atoms. With great money came great power, and she already skipped the great insanity part, so she literally had nothing to lose.

 

    “Once we are rich, we can wage economic warfare on the surface world. We will make them entirely dependant on us. And then...we will rule the world as goddesses, Rin!” Utsuho yelled, grabbing her friend in a one-armed hug of true comradely sisterhood. “I will raise the sun, and you will collect the corpses of those who dare defy us! We will reign supreme! _Through the atom, all things are possible!_ ”

 

    Rin and Twilight shared a look at each other, before looking at Utsuho, who was striking a triumphant pose on the coffee table, breathing heavily, like a creep.

 

    “Utsuho, has anybody ever told you that you’ve got a screw loose?” Twilight asked, trying to look around for a sweat rag and bottle opener. The warm beer had been her only way to survive the heat of Hell’s reactor.

 

    “Yes!” Utsuho yelled in reply, still in her pose. “And for that remark, you will be first!”

 

-[o+o]-

 

    Alice stood back from her handiwork. Years of working on dolls had translated well into being a tailor. What she had produced wasn’t just clothing. It was art.

 

    Alice held up the small blue elastic eye mask and put it onto her face, before checking out the iron-on transfer she placed on her teal dress. It showed a hand manipulating a marionette’s paddle. Alice smirked. Nobody would ever guess it was her.

 

    Alice grinned. That money was hers, all thanks to a guy in the television box named Peter Spiderman.

 

    She was the Puppeteer, savior of anyone who needed it, really.

 

    And she was heading to the Scarlet Devil Mansion.

 

-[o+o]-

 

    Reimu took the newspaper clipping out from her small satchel. This was the exact spot where Aya had taken the photo. She had faced minimal resistance getting to the hill, and now it was time to get clues. She had waited until night, as she knew the security schedules of the mansion, and knew the fairy now manning the gate would not be a problem should she take offence at the investigation. Not that she’d notice anyway, as the sky was getting dark and Reimu knew the night guard to have ironically terrible vision.

 

    Reimu examined the picture, before noticing something strange.

 

    There was a moustache crudely scribbled on the figure now. Reimu swore she heard a giggle somewhere behind her, but other matters pushed investigating the giggle from her mind.

 

    Reimu’s hands shook in cold terror. _How could someone have done this!? It was in my bag the whole time!_

 

    The shrine maiden sunk to her knees and yelled at the sky in impotent rage. Somebody had managed to get into her bag undetected and draw a moustache on the evidence. It was useless now.

 

    It was the first time in her life where she faced a problem _she couldn’t shoot at to make it go away._

 

    “Everything I know is a lie!” Reimu sobbed into the ground, firing danmaku uselessly into the air. Everything that went wrong in her life could have been shot at before. When somebody annoyed her, she would simply beat them up to show them who runs things in Gensokyo. When somebody got in the way, they got beaten up and written off as an active combatant. When her food in a restaurant was ten minutes late, she could theoretically have shot the wait staff because nobody would dare disagree with her. Yet here she was, defeated by a moustache-drawing punk who had disappeared before Reimu realised who it was.

 

    The shrine maiden felt a cold presence next to her. She looked up, first seeing bare feet, then a white-bottomed blue dress, then clear blue wings, and finally, short blue hair.

 

    It was Cirno. Life had officially hit rock bottom for Reimu.

 

    “Hey, why are you on the floor?” Cirno asked, tilting her head slightly.

 

    “Why aren’t you asleep?” Reimu retorted bitterly, sitting on the ground. “Need a glass of water or something?”

 

    “No, just wandering, until I saw you shooting into the sky,” Cirno replied, sitting next to the shrine maiden. “Why are you out here at night where it’s scary?”

 

    “...I was looking for something, then a problem came up...” Reimu answered, holding her head in her hands. “And I can’t shoot at it!”

 

    Cirno felt a strange feeling in her heart. It wasn’t pity for the poor doomed woman in front of her. It wasn’t superiority, as Cirno was already secure with the knowledge that she was literally the greatest person who ever lived. It was something else. Something that Daiyousei only told stories about to the little fairies to make them strong somehow - Cirno never understood the value of ‘empathy’ or ‘mercy’ since as the strongest fairy, her enemies were ice crystals in the wind before they could surrender, and those who did surrender were always trying to trick Cirno. Their intentions were never pure, and everybody always wanted to trick the fairy just because they thought of her as stupid, so when they ‘surrendered,’ Cirno just attacked again anyway. But yet, here she was, feeling the same emotion as this shrine maiden, presented with a problem that Cirno herself once suffered - the problem of something who she couldn’t simply shoot and forget about. In Cirno’s case, it was a missing packet of chips. In this human’s case, it was...something else that Cirno didn’t really care about at all. It was most likely a missing coin. Cirno herself had always thrown rages over missing change, as every other fairy at the lake could testify. The fairy population was still reeling from the Third War of Cirno’s Money That Fell Down The Back Of The Couch After All.

 

    What happened then? Well, some say that the fairy’s small heart grew three sizes that day.

 

    Cirno turned towards the mansion, and began shooting out whatever windows she could see.

 

    “What are you doing!?” Reimu demanded, standing up.

 

    “Creating a problem you _can_ shoot at,” Cirno smiled, winking at Reimu. The shrine maiden got the message, before producing her purification rod from her left sleeve and firing a bolt of magic through it, knocking the fairy to the ground.

 

    “Thanks...I feel a lot better now...” Reimu sighed, picking the fairy up and dusting her dress off for her.

 

    “No problem. We all need somebody there sometimes. Or things get lonely. And being lonely is bad,” Cirno chirped, her infinite fairy wisdom inspiring Reimu somewhat. “...You got any cookies in that bag?”

 

    Reimu replaced the rod into her left sleeve, before rooting around her satchel for cookies, before hearing the leaves rustle behind her.

 

    “What’s this!? A handsome family picnic!?” a female voice yelled, her voice obviously being disguised through making it sound rough, before a blonde woman, slightly shorter than Reimu, jumped between the fairy and human. Reimu examined this new person. She wore a blue dress, white capelet and an eyemask. Reimu was sure she never, ever saw this person in her entire life. It was yet another person that she was going to give the traditional Hakurei greeting to - beating the tar out of her.

 

    “Uh, no...” Cirno answered, before the mysterious masked woman knelt down close to her, before looking at the freeze marks in the windows of the mansion.

 

    “Did you do that?”

 

    Cirno rubbed the back of her neck. “No, that wasn’t me...that was...uhh...Daiyousei. Yeah. She’s a really terrible person and you should go after her instead and stop asking Cirno questions that have no answers.”

 

    The masked woman gave a dim look, before picking the fairy up by the leg and throwing her in the direction of the mansion. Reimu jumped up, not quite believing what just happened.

 

    “What the hell did you just do that for!?”

 

    “Vandalism,” the masked girl replied.

 

    Reimu tried to pinpoint where she heard that voice before. “But I already dealt with it!”

 

    “Didn’t look it,” Alice replied, turning towards the shrine maiden. “So, what are you doing up here, huh?”

 

    “I could ask you the same question,” Reimu argued back, still entirely unsure who this woman who jumped into her life was or why she threw Cirno down a hill.

 

    “I think...I think I broke my legs!” Cirno cried out from the bottom of the hill. “Uh, can somebody get any help or something?”

 

    “But I’m asking you the question,” Alice growled, trying her best to actually become the night.

 

    “Guys? Hello?” Cirno asked. She noticed a shadow in the distance - The darkness obscured most of the figure, but she was wearing black and white clothing.

 

    “Well, I’m looking for the photobomber,” Reimu answered, folding her arms. “So what are you doing here?”

 

    “Looking for crime,” Alice replied, unaware of the sound of ripping fabric or torn flesh. “Found some.”

 

    “Hey, what are you doing? Give my organs back!” Cirno demanded, flailing at her blonde-haired attacker. “Don’t take that! I need that to live!”

 

    “So, I don’t think there’s much crime going on now...” Alice whispered, looking at the mansion, completely unaware of the violent bloody murder just a few degrees below her vision.

 

    “You’re not supposed to eat my spleen without salt, you barbarian!” Cirno yelled, shooting danmaku in all directions. “Seriously, what the fuc-”

 

    There was a sickening crunch, before Cirno fell silent. Only the annoying sound of somebody eating with their mouth open was audible.

 

    “Yeah. Looks like you came here for nothing...” Reimu responded, before noticing a young blonde girl climbing the hill, her face and hands stained with blood. “Hey, Rumia.”

 

    “Yo,” the youkai waved back, wiping her face clean with her sleeve. The fairy was the first meal she had in a while, and it wasn’t even human meat, which is something she would've enjoyed eating. She was rather saddened by the turn of events that led to her being reduced to fairy meat. Still, she would like to hear Cirno lord her ‘natural fairy superiority’ over her now, and besides, eating fairies wasn't illegal - They just tasted disgusting and if any other youkai saw it they'd laugh at her forever because _seriously,_ who eats fairies unless they're literally too stupid to catch a human? Well, even if catching humans to eat wasn't allowed anymore. It was less catching them to eat and more catching them to scare because it was funny. Fairies regenerated as well, so they were fair game. Alice and Reimu watched the youkai skip away, before returning to their previous discussion.

 

    “So, I’m not really needed here any more, right?” Alice wondered out loud.

 

    “Nope. Everything’s pretty much wrapped up. You know, you remind me of somebody...”

 

    Alice froze.

 

    “Eh, your voice...I heard a shopkeeper with a similar voice,” Reimu confirmed. “She was on eighty cigarettes a day, I think.”

 

    “Thanks,” Alice replied insincerely. She decided to press the photobomber issue. “You’re looking for the photobomber?”

 

    “Yeah. Heard that she was a menace to the world.”

 

    “I suppose it falls within your occupation to investigate such matters, am I right, Hakurei?”

 

    Reimu narrowed her eyes. “How do you know my name?”

 

    “You’re somewhat famous. The hero that Gensokyo needs, but not the one it deserves.”

 

    “Oh, well...thanks, I guess...” Reimu blushed. She was not used to hearing compliments for her line of work. Most of the time, it was either insults or remarks about her fighting ability that liked to ignore any other aspect of her person. For most youkai and some humans, she wasn’t a person, she was an evil spirit they would tell their weaker friends about at night to scare them.

 

    “Of course, I’m gonna be the better hero,” Alice smirked.

 

    “You what?”

 

    “I’m going to beat you. I’m going to prove to the world that the reign of Hakurei is over, and that the reign of the Puppeteer is here!” Alice laughed. She wasn’t sure quite what she was doing, but she was actually just desperate for a good fight. She had learned Marisa’s patterns so thoroughly that she was able to avoid attacks that didn’t happen. Maybe the shrine maiden would be more of a challenge.

 

    “If you’re looking for trouble, lady,” Reimu’s infamous Yin-Yang Orbs appeared to her sides and lit up with a magical glow, before the shrine maiden started tapping her right palm with her purification rod. “You just found it.”

 

    The two faced each other as the Moon rose on the horizon. Reimu selected her first Spell Card, before looking up and catching a fist straight on the mouth. She fell to the ground, tasting metal, before sitting up.

 

    “What the Hell was that!?” Reimu spat blood out. “I was selecting a spell card!”

 

    “I know. You were weak then, so I took my opportunity to strike!”

 

    “You just violated, like, seventeen rules!”

 

    “There are no rules in war,” Alice struck a dramatic pose, turning her back from Reimu.

 

    “Uh, there is. I made them!” Reimu protested. She felt around her mouth with her tongue, before feeling an empty socket where a tooth used to be. “You knocked my tooth out!”

 

    “Indeed,” Alice grunted. There was a small cut on her knuckle from Reimu’s tooth. She reminded herself to disinfect that wound later - nobody knew the last time Reimu could afford mouthwash or even toothpaste.

 

    Reimu gripped her purification rod, before standing up. The ‘hero’ still had her back to her. Her mind was cluttered by a mixture of pain and anger. She shuffled her grip, before swinging. Alice ducked and kicked backwards, knocking the wind out of Reimu, before turning around and gripping the shrine maiden. Reimu’s eyes widened as she felt air beneath her, before landing with a thud in something wet. She looked at what broke her fall.

 

    A mutilated Cirno, with obvious bite marks around various parts of her body.

 

    “Aw, sick!” Reimu exclaimed, rolling out of the fairy’s chest cavity and kneeling besides her. An blinding inner light glowed within the body, before there was a flash, and Cirno’s body was as good as new again. She looked up at Reimu, before looking at her ruined clothing, and the pool of blood she was in, before finally noticing she wasn’t as dressed as she liked to be...

 

    “I am not going to like the explanation for this, am I?” the fairy stated flatly. “I’m in a dark lonely field, my clothes are destroyed and you’re covered in blood. Did we murder someone? This always happens when I get drunk.”

 

    Reimu’s eye twitched. _Did she just say she murdered someone when drunk?_

 

    Alice looked around quickly. She had surely brought the shrine maiden’s wrath upon her. Turning around, she launched into a full sprint away from the scene, hearing only the vow of vengeance from the shrine maiden.

 

-[o+o]-

 

    Alice didn’t stop running until she saw the lights of Marisa’s house. She pressed against a tree and sat down. catching her breath. Now Reimu was after her, and there was a photobomber to catch too.

 

    The dollmaker stood up and walked towards the witch’s house, the front of which was practically guarded by many gnomes. She knelt down at the door, before picking up a small garden gnome with a smiling face. She took a small key out from the bottom, before picking up a second gnome, which was making a rude gesture, and turning it around. There was a small door and a keyhole in its back. She unlocked the door on the gnome and picked up a slightly larger key. Finally, she put the house key into the front door and turned it, before turning the handle. The door refused to budge, as it was unlocked anyway.

 

    Alice headbutted the door in failure, before unlocking it and allowing herself in.

 

    It was Marisa’s living room all right - Every available space was covered in stacks of various books, boxes, crates, containers and for some reason, there was a working refrigerator standing in the middle of the room, some fridge magnets spelling out various swear words, along with a picture of Marisa herself smiling innocently, holding a police card, with a height scale behind her. Every shelf, every table and even most of the couch was holding some kind of object.

 

    Alice smiled. Marisa had actually cleaned the place up for once.

 

    The dollmaker examined some of the newer objects. Most of them were very small trinkets, and some were even family photos of people that weren’t Marisa. There was even a pyramid made exclusively of various brands of chocolate cereal. Alice wondered what freaky art projects the witch was trying to create. She looked down at her bloodied hand, before licking some of the excess blood away, as well as the wound itself. If there wasn’t any medical disinfectant around, her saliva would have to do.

 

    Alice heard a single footstep on a floorboard, before a very rough, almost masculine voice alerted her.

 

    “You picked the wrong house, fool!” Marisa yelled, brandishing a baseball bat about the same size as her leg.

 

    Alice jumped in surprise. She couldn’t break her identity to Marisa - it was the reason she was even pulling off the ridiculous superhero act in the first place, and as far as the witch was concerned, Alice was a burglar. The dollmaker had no choice.

 

    “Hey! It’s me!” Alice said, in her normal voice.

 

    “Wait, what!?”

 

    Alice sighed. Marisa recognised her voice. _Phew. Not getting a bat to the head after all._

 

    “How are you talking like my friend!? What sorcery is this?”

 

    _Oh son of a bitch._

 

    “Marisa...” Alice groaned. “I am your friend!”

 

    “No, you’re wearin’ some freaky costume. Alice dresses normal!”

 

    Alice sighed, before taking her mask off. “There. Happy?”

 

    Marisa lowered her weapon. “Alice?”

 

    “It’s a long story. Basically, I was going to a costume party in the Scarlet Devil Mansion, but then Reimu came along and ruined everything.”

 

    “Huh. She’s normally awesome at parties...” Marisa wondered, rubbing her chin in thought. “Obviously, there’s some kinda alien conspiracy!”

 

    “...Uh, what?”

 

    “Uh huh! Some kinda weird alien guy has their weird mind powers on Reimu, making her boring! Come on Ali, we must save the planet!”

 

    “You’ve been on weird mushrooms again, haven’t you?” Alice groaned, holding her forehead, nursing her developing migraine. “Also, _never_ call me Ali.”

 

    “I might have eaten something that tasted funny about...three minutes ago,” Marisa admitted, shuffling her feet. Alice noticed the witch’s pupils dilate. “I’d check it out, but...there’s a dragon in the fuckin’ kitchen, Alice. Alice! Dragon!”

 

    “Dammit, I hate it when you get like this,” the dollmaker sighed, watching the witch take cover behind a stack of wooden boxes.

 

    “You know, I never noticed that your face looks like a lollipop from far away,” Marisa whispered, as if she just found out the secret of immortality. She stuck her tongue out and began licking the air. “Alice, your face doesn’t taste of anything!”

 

    Alice met the absolutely stupid display with a dim look. She was watching her best friend licking the air under the influence of a really freaky drug, assuming it to be her face, and panicking that her face doesn’t have a distinctive taste. At least, Alice hoped not. She reminded herself to shower once she got home.

 

    “Marisa. Go to bed.”

 

    “Can’t.”

 

    Alice sighed. “Why?”

 

    “There’s an aggressive box of crayons in there. I believe that sleepin’ in there will end with them putting stuff on my face,” Marisa panicked, still licking the air. “And not in the fun way.”

 

    Alice held up her hands and sighed. “I don’t want to know what your weekends consist of.”

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

    “Everyone ready?” Utsuho whispered, holding the Molotov cocktail in her left hand.

 

    “Are you sure this is legal?” Twilight asked, examining the bottle.

 

    “Okuu, I swear to every god out there...” Rin groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. This was happening. It was actually happening. She, her best friend, and a purple pony from another dimension were seriously about to burn down a joke shop, based on Utsuho’s wild prediction that burning down a joke shop would result in them capturing a prankster. Rin disliked the taste of alcohol, but it was times like these that she wished that she was drunk. Instead, she was hyper-actively alert, due to the coffee she mainlined into her wrist ten minutes prior.

 

    “Okay, Operation Bomb The Joke Shop And Get All The Tengu Money is go!” Utsuho yelled. Twilight produced a small spark from her horn, lighting the rag on top of the bottle, before Rin threw a rock through the window, followed by the firebomb. The joke shop began burning, as the three started to run away down the street.

 

    “Okuu, what if there’s somepony in there!?” Twilight worried.

 

    “Well, A, only Orin and Satori can call me ‘Okuu,’ and B, it’s all for a greater cause!” Utsuho smiled, looking over her shoulder at the high flames. “Best plan ever!”

 

    “And Satori wanted me to be the responsible one...” Rin remarked. If Satori were to find out about this, she would literally go insane at not only Utsuho, but her. She was already concerned about Twilight’s arrival, but firebombing a shop was quite frankly taking the piss.

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

    Remilia sipped her tea and reclined in her throne, her eyes pointed upwards towards the grand painting she had on the ceiling, depicting the castle of her great-uncle Vlad himself (Well, a _Castlevania_ fan print sufficed.) It had not been one day, and the population were literally going insane over a simple ruined photo, and the promise of a lot of money. She laughed into the air.

 

    “The fools! They do not realise the true plan!” Remilia clenched her fist before bringing it into her other hand. “Sakuya!”

 

    “Yes, Mistress?” the maid smiled, bowing her head in respect. She wasn’t quite sure what Remilia was planning, but Sakuya was content to go along with it, if only because it gave a nice distraction.

 

    “Fetch me the plans for Project Menace,” Remilia steepled her hands, hiding her mouth. “And if you can, can you get a hot water bottle? I’ve got a terrible leg cramp.”

 

    “Certainly, Mistress,” Sakuya replied, rushing out of the throne room to get the items required by the young vampire.

 

    Once the maid left the room, Remilia finished her tea. “Gensokyo will not know what hit it. Soon, they will stare in wonder at their final dawn.”

 

    Remilia thought about the black boxes that shady gap youkai had imported, before smiling. She was certainly living up to her ‘Devil’ nickname.

 

   "When the population see these, they will flip their lids..." Remilia laughed, looking at the ceiling, not noticing the purple-clad magician entering the throne room. " _Sunt atât de minunat, eu ar trebui să fie ilegală._"

 

   " _Că este discutabil, Remi. Cu siguranță, eu sunt mult mai minunat,_" Patchouli responded, making the vampire jump.

 

   "Holy crap, Patche!" Remilia yelled. "Don't do that, you creepy witch!"

 

   "Oh come on, I'm not that scary-looking, am I?" Patchouli exhaled, with her hand in front of her face. "It's my breath, isn't it?"

 

   "No, you just appear out of nowhere! It's real damn spooky!"

 

   "Yes, living with me is one wild ride, isn't it?"

 

   "I want to get off Ms. Knowledge's Wild Ride," Remilia joked back, before the doors of the throne room opened for Sakuya, who was carrying a red hot water bottle and a small briefcase.

 

   "Ah, very good," Remilia smiled. "Thank you. One minute longer with this leg and I would be forced to amputate."

 

-[o+o]-

 

    “Not the bees, Alice! Not the bees!” Marisa yelled, tears streaming down her face, as the dollmaker tried to wrestle the witch into actually getting into bed and sleeping off the high. “There’s bees everywhere!”

 

    “There are no bees, there are no hostile crayons and _stop licking my face!_ ”

 

    “But it has a taste now!” the inebriated witch argued. “It’s a horrible taste, but it works!”

 

    Alice sighed. On one hand, she could simply leave Marisa to ride out the high on her own, but on the other hand, she couldn’t abandon her friend when she actually needed her. It was situations like these where she regretted being unable to simply create her own friends, before hiding away forever in her survival bunker with her guns and dolls and letting the world self-destruct in its own complete and utter stupidity, but then Marisa came into the picture and ruined that retirement dream by slowly but surely becoming somewhat important to Alice, even if it was only because Alice missed talking to people - real people, sometimes.

 

    “Read me a bedtime story...” Marisa suddenly became very calm, which only made Alice even more frightened. _What mushroom did this woman eat!?_

 

    “Ugh, fine,” Alice knelt next to the bed. “Once upon a time, there was a lovely little girl-”

 

    “What was her name?!”

 

    “Uhh...Paris. Her name was Paris.”

 

    “I like that name.”

 

    “So anyway, Paris was a witch, like you,” Alice gently held the witch’s hand to keep her calm. “And all she liked doing was flying. She would fly through the skies, counting all the sheep in the fields below. One day, there wasn’t any sheep left. So Paris made her own, by flying far into the sky and grabbing the clouds of Heaven itself.”

 

    Alice looked over at the witch. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was a lot more calm and shallow. Alice let go of Marisa’s hand, before gently patting her head and leaving the room. Hopefully Marisa would be unable to remember the night and so would forget about her alter ego. Until then, she had to stay behind to ensure that the witch didn’t choke in her sleep or something.

 

    The dollmaker left the bedroom door open and traced a visual line to where she could keep an eye on the witch while making herself more comfortable, seeing as she was in for the long haul anyway. She reminded herself to thank Marisa for setting out her home in an easy L-shaped pattern - Living room, kitchen, bedroom.

 

    Hopefully, the shrine maiden wouldn’t be nearby.

 

    Alice turned the dial on the TV. Unlike Alice, Marisa had somehow come across a color TV and using her 'legal' funds, had also aquired the latest and only video game console brand in Gensokyo - The PlayStation and had also obtained the most popular video game, titled _Electrosphere_ or something equally weird. The show currently on was some kind of game show, where a contestant wearing a red helmet and baseball uniform was attempting to jump across various stones while a man in a white suit with tigers on both shoulders ordered the contestant across. The kappa certainly had strange tastes in television. Alice just wished that they didn’t share it with the rest of Gensokyo.

 

    A knock on the door startled Alice, before she heard the voice she absolutely did not want to hear.

 

    “Marisa? You home?” Reimu’s voice called out.

 

    Alice looked down, trying to think, before realising she was wearing her altered dress. Reimu would recognise her. Then she’d have to explain that she was a superhero, and that she was the one who punched her in the face and threw a fairy off a hill. Then she would get mad, they’d fight, and Alice had already had her fight of the day, and she wasn’t in the mood for a second fight with Reimu Hakurei, who could break a person’s arm by looking at it angrily enough.

 

    “Marisa, you there? I need to use your shower! I ran out of water again and I’m covered in blood! Don’t ask why.”

 

_Gotta get this dress off somehow. Gotta replace it with something…_

 

    Alice looked over to the sleeping witch, then to her dress, before sighing.

 

    “The things I do to avoid having a difficult conversation...” Alice sighed. She was doing the unthinkable. She was willingly occupying the same bed as somebody else. While not being as nearly dressed as she would’ve preferred. This was a terrible plan, but Alice’s panic-addled mind saw it as the best choice, rather than simply hiding in a box like a sane person would. Hopefully this would embarrass the shrine maiden enough to get her to leave, even if it involved implying that she was... _intimate_ with Marisa.

 

    Quickly removing her dress and placing it deliberately so that the emblem she chose would not be showing, she climbed into the large queen-sized bed, wearing only her underwear and capelet, trying to hide behind Marisa as the front door opened and shut.

 

    Reimu looked around the cluttered living room. The TV was on, and the lights were all on, so Reimu thought Marisa was still awake and simply didn’t hear her. She advanced through the bombsite of a house, before sighting the witch sleeping soundly. Alice closed her eyes to feign sleep.

 

    “Huh. Caught her while she was sleeping. Well, she won’t mind...” Reimu said to herself, heading to the bathroom neighboring the bedroom. Alice heard the door lock, before some footsteps, and then water flowing.

 

    _If I get up and leave right now, I can get out of this entirely...but Reimu is going to leave after this, and I can’t leave Marisa alone in this state. Alice thought to herself. I could either pretend to wake up, let her see me like this, and she’ll run away, but then she has to see me like this. And that’s not happening._

 

    The sound of water stopped as Alice looked towards the bedroom door again. After a few minutes, Reimu appeared once more, wearing a towel around her waist only, causing Alice to shut her eyes in deep embarrassment. She tip-toed into the bedroom and Alice lay still, her body completely straight. Reimu opened a wardrobe and picked the first shirt she saw, before selecting a pair of shorts, most likely Marisa’s exercise gear. She put the clean clothes on quickly, before turning around and seeing the second occupant of the bed, her eyes screwed shut from trying not to be even creepier than she was currently being.

 

    There were a few uncomfortable seconds of silence.

 

    “Alice?”

 

    “Uh…”

 

    “So...” Reimu trailed off, slinking away to the door. “Uh...you think Marisa would be fine with me sleeping on the couch tonight, because the heater back at the shrine is out of gas again, and it’s really damn cold.”

 

    “Most likely,” Alice replied automatically, before realising what she just done. Her hospitality instinct had kicked in before she could stop it. _Alice Margatroid, you’re a bloody moron!_

 

    Alice honestly felt like crying at that moment. She was stuck there now, with a bleeding hand, a massively high witch, and a shrine maiden with a missing tooth who was looking to find the Puppeteer and break her spine over her knee.

 

    “Tell her thanks when she wakes up...” Reimu replied. She wanted to ask why they were sharing a bed, but decided that now wasn’t really the time. Just as long as she didn’t have to plan their wedding, she guessed. That would be too much work and stress and ripping out her hair before getting Suika to do it by using a fishing pole with a bottle of beer on the hook as a motivator, and turning that normal activity when she was bored into work would just ruin it. Reimu considered herself the absolute champion of oni fishing, a new sport she developed by using a fishing pole, a bottle of alcohol and Suika. Some might have considered the sport a tad cruel, but the shrine maiden honestly could not care, as it was too fun watching the oni run around a field, and it gave Suika a few minutes of exercise.

 

    Alice lay completely straight in the bed, before feeling the witch’s arm across her. She squeaked awkwardly, tensing up and cringing, trying to distance herself slightly from her high friend, who was unconsciously dragging her in for a cuddle.

 

    This was not the plan. This was not the plan at all. The plan was utterly destroyed. The plan could not have been more destroyed. It was destroyed on the quantum level. Alice would have to make up levels for how much the plan was destroyed. She would be forced to hire leading scientists, theologians and alchemists to find new levels. She would get her name on a research paper on the Margatroid Theory of Levels The Plan Was Destroyed On, and that is how the world would remember her. As somebody who could not plan ever.

 

    In short, she was doomed.

 

    All she could do now was try and sleep. She would have to live a lie the rest of the humans’ lives. In the grand scale, that was not long, but Alice was still not used to a youkai’s timescale, so it would feel like a very long time before they finally died and Alice could forget that this incident ever happened.

 

    She closed her eyes, still lying perfectly straight.

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

    Alice opened her eyes slowly. She had not slept at all. She turned around towards the witch, still sleeping soundly. Alice slowly sat up and held her head in her hands, before looking at the blood on her hand. The wound had coagulated during the night, but left a streak of blood over the grey blanket. That was a difficult question she would have to answer.

 

    Marisa stirred from her sleep, and looked straight into Alice’s eyes, before noticing her state of undress. The dollmaker quickly retreated under the covers of the blanket.

 

    “Well, I’ve brought home worse,” Marisa laughed, lying back down and covering her eyes. It happened again. She was sharing a bed with somebody she actually cared about, instead of some random person she met in a bar. It wasn't like she didn't check out Alice from time to time, but she just assumed Alice wasn't into girls, so she generally stayed away. “I really screwed up this time, huh?”

 

    “I don’t want to know what your weekends consist of,” Alice repeated. She heard a small click noise from outside. She turned towards the window, but saw nothing.

 

    “So, how drunk was I?”

 

    “We were both pretty drunk...” Alice lied, rubbing the back of her head.

 

    “Never speak of this again?” Marisa suggested.

 

    “Never gonna speak of this again,” Alice replied quickly.

 

    The witch jumped up from the bed and walked into the kitchen. She opened the fridge and retrieved a pancake from the bottom shelf, before noticing Reimu on the sofa, watching TV.

 

    “Hello,” Marisa greeted, shocked more at the shrine maiden not wearing her usual outfit, instead, wearing today's exercise gear, which Marisa didn't think looked good on herself, never mind Reimu.

 

    “Oh hey. Sorry I slept here, but Alice said it was fine. Heater was out of gas again,” the shrine maiden explained.

 

    “She did, did she?” Marisa whispered, before lunging towards Reimu. “You didn’t see anything, alright!?”

 

    “What?!”

 

    “The girl in my bed was never here, got it?”

 

    “Why are you having such a freakout over it?”

 

    “Because quite frankly, this is extremely embarrassing. I mean, I'm more freaked out that it was Alice. If it were anybody else, I'd be laughing about this."

 

    Alice slinked back into the bed. _Why is she freaked out that it was me?_

_  
_

    "What do you mean?" Reimu asked. She was curious about Marisa's discomfort over this. Like Alice, she would rather not know the details of the witch's weekend, but this was a question that needed answering.

 

    "It's...because I've known her for too long," the witch whispered into Reimu's ear. Alice took the chance to roll out of the bed, pick up the altered dress and hide it in the closet, while selecting the first dress she saw. She fiddled with the buttons and zippers on the armored combat dress while eavesdropping. She sighed. She accidentally picked up Marisa's battle dress uniform. Alice had attempted to wear it before as a joke, and the sheer weight of the armor on the dress was too much for her to move about in. Alice knew that armor was useless against most magic anyway, so she often wondered why Marisa wore such heavy armor if her whole style of combat was avoiding attacks, unless it was for when she was out at night stealing, and needed protection from armed victims.

 

    "We've known each other since we were kids. Like, I feel the same way about you since I've known you since we were kids," Marisa explained, sitting on the sofa. She was lying, of course. Marisa would totally be okay with being with either of them, but she did feel slightly that way - Romantic relationships with Reimu or Alice would just complicate her work. "Know what I'm saying?"

 

    "Well, that actually seems...reasonable," Reimu answered. She opened the door. "Well, I'm gonna go out and find some more gas. If only there was a way to get money without working..."

 

    Reimu felt a wad of paper hit her in the back of the head. She turned around and picked up a small roll of blue bills, which was at least 点100,000 - enough for about eight hours of heat, before frowning at Marisa. "I owe you this now, don't I?"

 

    "When you can. It's not like I'm paid much either," Marisa replied. "Nobody comes around here and buys this stuff any more. Damned economy."

 

    "Or because it was theirs in the first place and they find the notion of buying their possessions back quite insulting?"

 

    "Don't know what you're talkin' about."

 

-[o+o]-

 

    Remilia laughed as the photo developed in her hand, under the shade of the parasol. Sakuya grimaced as she thought about what the vampire just did. Technically, they were now committing some serious crimes. And they were committing said crimes while dressed in the stupidest costumes one could ever create - Remilia was wearing an eyemask and a hot pink waterproof jacket, and Sakuya herself was wearing a pink version of her normal uniform, with various pictures of cats on it. She had worked for Remilia for many years, and this was the stupidest plan the vampire had ever come up with, but orders were orders.

 

    “You see this? This is what is known as ‘sheer luck,’ Sakuya,” Remilia explained, holding a black and white photo of two people lying in bed together, one sitting up and covering herself and the other holding her head. “And to think we were just going to drop a bucket of water on her!”

 

    “Indeed, Milady,” Sakuya replied, trying to hide how ridiculous she felt wearing the stupid pink maid uniform. She reminded herself to burn it when she had the chance, as to erase the very memory of the blasted thing from existence. Remilia pointed away from the house and started walking, with Sakuya alongside her.

 

    “Well, you know how I feel about water, so if you can, get Meiling to run this over to the kappa printing works and get this blown up ten metres by ten metres.”

 

    “Milady, have you considered what harm you could be inflicting right now?” Sakuya asked, concerned. She knew the second girl quite well, and to destroy her emotionally before destroying her physically seemed like a bit of a cop-out to Sakuya. Just because every time they met they ended up fighting didn't mean she wanted to cause any more than physical harm to the dollmaker. And all to sell black boxes that Sakuya still did not know the function of? The maid wanted to object. She wanted to say something to dissuade the Lady from doing what she planned, but ultimately, when Remilia had her mind absolutely _set_ on something, Sakuya found it quite difficult to stop her. Ultimately, she would do as ordered. That was her duty, after all. And Remilia had actually promised her money and vacation time for this, which was extremely rare.

 

    “It’s all for the greater good. Now, let’s get me back home, and Meiling can run over to the kappa. I know you’ve always been wary of them, and hopefully they will be more willing to listen to a youkai than a human like you,” Remilia explained, trying to keep under the shade of the parasol. “Besides, if they try and scam us, she can break their legs."

 

-[o+o]-

 

    Rin stared in disbelief at the five figures writhing in agony on the ground in front of the destroyed joke shop. Utsuho was right. Utsuho Reiuji actually got something right. It was just that what she got right was the stupidest thing Rin had ever heard or will hear in her extremely long life.

 

    Twilight Sparkle tried to close her mouth, but couldn’t out of sheer shock, before Rin closed it for her. She was not in this land very long, but she could already see that simple logic did not apply here. Rin had tried to educate her the best she could, but so far, the only advice Rin was able to offer was; don't get into a drinking contest with oni, don't get into a fight with an oni, don't annoy anybody wearing red and white (Twilight had learned that to her eternal cost) or black and white - Actually, the rule was not to annoy anybody at all ever, and finally, think only about fruit juice near Satori Komeiji; she hated fruit juice and would go focus on something else.

 

    Suddenly, everything Pinkie Pie had ever said had made sense, if only because where she now lived was so insane that she felt like insanity would be sane in comparison. Twilight still could not believe what Utsuho said in order for Utsuho’s owner - an idea that Twilight was very uncomfortable with, seeing as Utsuho was...well, somewhat sentient, but _belonged_ to somebody else. - to accept her. She was now the pet of a pet of a mind-reading pink-headed satori...named Satori. Twilight suspected that Satori most likely knew the truth anyway, but couldn't be bothered to do anything about her.

 

    Utsuho was dancing around like a child on Christmas Morning. “I told you guys! I freaking told you! Hell yeah!”

 

    Neither Rin or Twilight responded.

 

    “Okay, so let’s see if the prankster is there...” Utsuho said, making her way towards the dying pranksters. Three were male, so they were automatically out, and out of the last two, both were oni.

 

    “Hey, was the girl in the picture an oni?” Utsuho called out towards Rin.

 

    “...I don’t think so,” Rin finally managed to stutter.

 

    “Damn! Well, I was right, but not right. I hate that!”

 

    “Uh guys, shouldn’t we be helping these guys?” Twilight wondered out loud, before Utsuho picked her up like a dog, something Twilight hated.

 

    “Nope, they’ll get home safely!” Utsuho responded. Twilight frowned as the hell raven carried her away from the scene. She could only see Rin shrugging in apology. Twilight had the feeling that Rin was most likely going to become her best friend in this world, because like Twilight, she attempted to make sense.

 

-[o+o]-

END OF PART ONE.

_So, with our favourite dollmaker currently framed by the evil Remilia Scarlet, can she avoid the wrath of Reimu, and avoid Marisa learning her secret identity? Will Aya ever recover from her destroyed photo? Will Rin ever be able to understand Utsuho’s mind? And will Twilight grow to love the taste of warm beer? Find out in the next exciting episode of Master of Puppets._   
  



	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice must find the culprit before it's too late, while dealing with the fallout of last night's panic.

 

 

 

 

PART 2

 

    Alice sat on the sofa between Reimu and Marisa. The witch was awkwardly avoiding eye contact, while Reimu was watching the TV. Alice adjusted the armor she was wearing, before looking past Reimu towards the bedroom. The altered superheroine dress was still in there.

 

    “So...you two, huh?” Reimu finally said, pointing at the two magicians. “Huh. Never thought it would happen...”

 

    “Yeah, me neither...” Marisa replied, looking at Alice wearing her dress. Normally, she would find that quite attractive, but right now, it was just awkward. “Never thought we’d do that.”

 

    Alice remained silent. She didn’t want to complicate the matter. She had screwed up enough by panicking that night. All the factors added up in her head - Marisa’s inebriated state, the fight with Reimu, the running away...She wasn’t cut out to be a superhero.

 

    “Did I tell you what happened last night?” Reimu asked. “Some girl punched me in the face.”

 

    “Really? Damn,” Alice responded, hiding her cut hand under her other hand. “Why did that happen?”

 

    “She literally jumped at me, threw that fairy Cirno off a hill, asked me about this photobomber person, before pissing me off and punching me...” Reimu replied, feeling where her tooth used to be with her finger. “I swear, I see her again and I'm breaking her kneecaps.”

 

    Alice gulped.

 

    “Yeah, you want any help with disposing the body afterwards, you know who to call,” Marisa laughed.

 

    Alice gulped harder, before turning to the news on the TV.

 

    “A minor incident occurred in Former Capital today, where a joke shop was destroyed under mysterious circumstances. Investigators found evidence that the fire was deliberately started, but as of now, there are no suspects.”

 

    Alice reclined and put her hand to her side, before she touched Marisa’s hand. She jerked back quickly, attracting the attention of the witch.

 

    _Damn, that’s cute…_ Marisa thought to herself, watching the dollmaker awkwardly shift in her seat and avoid eye contact.

 

    “In entertainment news, the mysterious Remilia Scarlet has released a statement today, detailing her future plans for Scarlet Entertainments.”

 

    The screen cut to a video of Remilia, sitting on her shaded balcony, Sakuya by her side.

 

    “So, Miss Scarlet, what have you planned?” the interviewer asked.

 

    “My plan is simple. I plan to completely revolutionise Gensokyo and what we do for fun. We’re working closely with Yakumo Imports to bring the best quality product out there,” Remilia smiled charismatically.

 

    “So, what is this product?”

 

    “It’s a secret right now. But you’ll find out soon enough...” Remilia smiled. Alice could almost see her eyes flash in malice.

 

    “Oh great. Little Miss Scarlet’s plotting again!” Marisa mocked, pointing at the TV. “What is it this time, an anti-air gun or something?”

 

    “She said it was entertainment, and that Yukari is working with her...” Reimu replied.

 

    There was a pause before Marisa responded. “Yep, it’s an anti-air gun. Buy one for your family and now you too can shoot down everyone in the sky.”

 

     Alice looked at the young vampire on screen, before she remembered the photograph. Similar dress. Similar smile.

 

     It couldn’t be. After all, Remilia never went outside without a minder of some sort.

 

 

 

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

     The kappa workman handed the photograph back to Meiling. The redhaired youkai had come in here and given in a photo of two women in bed, that looked like it wasn’t exactly taken legally. On one hand, this girl was offering quite a lot of money, but on the other, the printing works was already on it’s last legs, and a lawsuit would surely close it.

 

    “Miss, I can’t print this. It’s against the whole terms and conditions we have,” he explained. “Can’t risk a lawsuit. Unless the two people in the picture are here to approve, we can’t print nothing.”

 

    “Oh...” Meiling replied, putting the black and white photo into her waterproofed jacket’s pocket. “See, I thought it’d be like that. My boss just pushed this and the money in my hand and told me to run down here.”

 

     “Yeah, well, tell your boss that we can’t risk a lawsuit. Or if these two come along and kick our asses. Either or.”

 

 

 

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

    The small lounge room was eerily silent. Rin was sitting at the table, legs resting on the surface, her eyes closed as she snored quietly. Utsuho was adjusting something on her cannon with a screwdriver, and Twilight was thinking about home. She knew that she had to return soon, but the way she got there in the first place meant that it might take an infinite amount of tries to get back to the right Equestria.

 

    Twilight heard footsteps approaching her, before she looked up at the new person. It was Satori, in her usual gear. The eye at her side scanned around the room slowly. Twilight felt her heart rate quicken as she realised that Satori was reading everyone’s minds. _Quick, Twilight! Fruit juice! Fruit juice! Apple, orange, tropical! Pulp, smooth!_

 

    “Whoever told you that I dislike fruit juice was playing a cruel joke on you,” Satori stated. She looked over towards the sleeping Rin knowingly, before looking at Utsuho. “Okuu, that wind goddess person is here to see you. Go deal with her, because I don’t want to.”

 

    “Alright!” Utsuho jumped up and left the room. Satori looked towards Rin again, before looking at Twilight. The pony couldn’t tell what look Satori gave her, only that it was a look.

 

    Rin stirred from her slumber and looked up, a piece of paper stuck to her forehead.

 

    “Guess the sleeping pills won out, eh?” Rin laughed. “I need stronger coffee to race the sleeping pills against...”

 

 

 

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

    Aya stared blankly at a random corner of her office. She knew the photobomber would be captured soon. It had to happen.

 

    “Momiji...” Aya whispered, alerting the soldier reading a magazine.

 

    The white wolf put the gossip magazine down. “What do you want?”

 

    “Do...do you think they’ll ever catch her?” Aya asked, looking at the soldier. They never saw eye to eye on any issue, but now Momiji was the only person to talk to. Surely she was decent enough to not begrudge Aya an answer…

 

    “It’s a stupid bloody photograph. Get over yourself.”

 

    Aya then remembered that Momiji wasn’t decent at all towards her. Aya then felt stupid for forgetting that little fact.

 

    “But if it really matters to you...Yeah, somebody out there most likely is looking for her,” Momiji assured. “Now, get over it. You being mopey pisses me off more than you being yourself. Don’t ask why, because I don’t even know.”

 

    The soldier lifted her shield up onto her left arm and picked up her sword. She cracked her neck and left the small office without a word, heading onto the mountain paths.

 

 

 

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

    Alice and Marisa sat silently on the couch. The TV was off. Reimu had left in a hurry after the news report, as she was known to do when Alice was in the room. Both women awkwardly avoided eye contact as they searched their minds for anything to break the silence.

 

    “It happened, didn’t it?” Marisa whispered, leaning on her hand.

 

    Alice didn’t respond. She now had severe doubts about her lie. She could just come out and say everything at this point, but that would mean Marisa claiming the reward by stealing it. Or was that a lie too? Did Alice just want to feel special? Was she just being a superhero because the title sounded cool? It wasn’t like she wasn’t special, she convinced herself of that fact every time she exercised control over a doll. She never met anybody else who could do that since she was a inexperienced child in Makai.

 

    “You know, I’d have preferred seeing you in my clothes if we both remembered the night before...” Marisa admitted. “But I guess that’s the way it goes down.”

 

    The statement caught Alice by surprise. “Wait, what?!”

 

    “Yeah, wasn’t the best time to say that, was it?”

 

    “Not really.”

 

    The witch reclined. “I’ll be honest, I’m really not sure how to feel here...”

 

    “Neither am I. I...didn’t think this would happen...” Alice lied. She was actually rather shocked with how easily she was lying. She must have picked that habit up from Marisa.

 

    “Well, I guess now’s the only good time to say this...” Marisa looked Alice dead in the eyes. The witch didn’t quite believe what she was going to do. Alice was her friend, but she was also a youkai, the sworn enemy of all mankind. Her job was tracking these creatures down and blasting them out of the sky. She developed weapons, armors, magical spells, all dedicated to fighting youkai. She had built up a long career since childhood of shooting every single one she saw. She even used them to her own ends - She had a dedicated technician to work on her equipment, although he was half-human, and she also had Alice. They’d fought against, with and for each other. There are few stronger bonds than the bond of combat.

 

    It was at that point that Marisa decided that given the choice of being in a relationship with a youkai or sticking to her beliefs, she was going to be the biggest hypocrite in Gensokyo.

 

    “Uh...this whole event got me thinking...” Marisa whispered, putting her hand onto Alice’s hand. “I was thinking that screw it, we should-”

 

    A husky, but high-pitched voice cut into the conversation.

 

    “Marisa, come in!” a radio set, hidden behind a box, started announcing. Marisa groaned angrily, before heading over to the set and moving a crate, before clicking a switch.

 

    “This is Marisa, what do you want, Suika?”

 

    “Minor incident, at the Misty Lake. Shouldn’t be too much for you to handle, but Reimu isn’t here, so...” Suika replied over the radio.

 

    Marisa looked over to Alice. “What type? Fairies blocking that vampire’s view again?”

 

    “Uh, no. I don’t think there’s much chance of a fight though.”

 

    “Well...” Marisa looked over at Alice again. This was something she had to ask before anything else. “There’s no issue if there’s no violence involved, right? Call me when it’s a disaster.”

 

    Marisa flicked the microphone off before rejoining Alice on the sofa.

 

    “What I was about to say was that...I reckon we should go out sometime. Get some drinks. Know what I’m saying?”

 

    Alice felt her heart rate increase, and a furious blush spread across her face. Did her friend seriously just ask her out? Was this one of her infamous cruel jokes? Was she going to say yes, and all of a sudden, she would hear artillery fire and Marisa would laugh while informing her that her house just got destroyed? Would she press a button and Alice would fall into a trap door into Former Hell itself, while that brainless nuclear bird started preaching something like ‘Hold the fuel rod. Love the fuel rod. Be the fuel rod!’ before turning Alice into a fuel rod? Would everybody in Gensokyo suddenly pop out of all those boxes and point and laugh at her?

 

    All these questions and more swam around Alice’s head while Marisa smiled that cocky, sure of herself, ‘I can do whatever I want because I’m Marisa’ smile.

 

    “...I don’t know. Is this a trick? It feels like a trick,” Alice whispered finally in reply.

 

    “Well, way to have trust in me...” Marisa sulked. “...Forget I ever said anything. I guess the drink hasn’t worn off from last night. You may as well go. Let’s just forget about this. Go get changed.”

 

    Alice jumped up from the sofa and walked back into Marisa’s bedroom, closing the door behind her. She undid every button on the armored witch outfit slowly, blankly staring at nothing in particular. She couldn’t describe what she felt. Maybe it was anger at herself. Maybe it was regret. Maybe it was heartbreak. It was negative though, so Alice wanted to make it go away as soon as possible. She just needed to go home. Go home, talk all of it out with Shanghai. Maybe through the medium of a doll, she could find the answer within herself. Or maybe it was a sign that she was truly off the deep end when she decided that talking about her relationship problems to a doll was a viable plan. Either or.

 

    Slipping into the superhero costume once more, Alice opened the bedroom window. She sighed, before putting her mask on and jumping out.

 

 

 

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

    “Away! Out of it! Before I get annoyed!” Reimu flapped her arms at the errant fairies, herding them away from the giant mansion. She could feel Remilia’s stare on her back. She wished Marisa was available to do this job instead of getting word of it as soon as she got home. Next to her was the gatekeeper, Hong Meiling, who was doing an admirable job of gently telling the fairies to leave.

 

    “There better be a cup of tea in this deal or I will smash up that house...” Reimu grunted under her breath, picking up the last fairy and throwing her over the fence.

 

    “Well, thanks for the help. I tried talking to them, but they kept going on about ‘metal boxes’ or something like that...” Meiling sighed, wiping sweat away from her forehead... “I’ve been out of commission for way too long. I shouldn’t need to have to call you in.”

 

    “You’re right. You shouldn’t,” Reimu replied, folding her arms. A fairy climbed over the wall once more. The shrine maiden growled, before producing her purification rod from her left sleeve. She extended the handle section to its full length, before grabbing the fairy and throwing her into the air, before smacking her in the torso with the rod. The fairy flew away screaming, as Reimu tried to measure how far she had sent the unfortunate fairy flying.

 

    “Little harsh, don’t you think?” Remilia called out from her balcony, clapping slowly. “I must say though, you have a very good swing. I used to play tennis too, you know.”

 

    “Ha ha, Scarlet,” Reimu replied.

 

    “Meiling, return to your post. Hakurei, come up here,” Remilia ordered. She turned around. “Sakuya, get the nice teapot out.”

 

    The maid bowed her head and turned to get the “nice teapot” - Code for non-blood tea.

 

    Meiling turned to the shrine maiden. “Hey, good job. See you around!”

 

    Reimu waved the gatekeeper goodbye as she jumped, before taking flight and flying into the window of the mansion.

 

    “The front door was unlocked, you know...” Remilia rolled her eyes, before walking backwards to her chair, dragging her feet on the carpet.. “Sakuya will be a few minutes.”

 

    Reimu examined the strange walk as she sat down on the opposite side of the table.. “What are you doing?”

 

    “I’m in a good mood today,” the young vampire laughed, clapping her hands once. “I don’t know, I woke up today, and I just thought: ‘Today’s going to be a nice day.’”

 

    “Glad to see somebody’s doing alright for themselves.”

 

    “What’s the matter?” Remilia asked, checking her red fingernails and avoiding eye contact because she didn’t actually care.

 

    “Well, I had to come here, for a start.”

 

    “Aww, it’s not that bad here. I try, you know?” Remilia joked, putting on a fake pout.

 

    “Well, after spending a night at Marisa’s house-”

 

    “Hehehe, I knew you two-”

 

    “Don’t even start with that,” Reimu warned. She watched the wooden door to the small tea room open. Sakuya paced almost robotically towards the table, before laying the silver-colored tray down - It was not actual silver, due to Remilia’s vampirism, but it could trick an ignorant person into thinking that Remilia was resistant to silver. The maid gave her default half-smile towards Reimu as she poured the tea from a white and blue teapot. Sakuya bowed her head towards Reimu before heading over to Remilia to pour her tea. After doing this, the maid moved to a distant corner of the room, standing to attention.

 

    “So, why were you over at the witch’s home?”

 

    “Heater at the shrine ran out of fuel. And last night was a cold night.”

 

    “Ah. Cold bedding is the worst.”

 

    “Coffins are always cold.”

 

    “The only reason I let you get away with so many coffin jokes is because I can’t be bothered to do anything about it. It’s not worth my time.”

 

    “Uh huh.”

 

    “So, anything else going on?” Remilia asked. The thought of her little project was going through her mind. It was going to be the greatest thing ever.

 

    “Well, last night, some weird girl in a eyemask and capelet punched me in the mouth,” Reimu bared her teeth to show Remilia.

 

    “A girl in a costume, huh?” Remilia wondered out loud.

 

    “She was going on about how I’m terrible at upholding law and she is the better hero and stuff like that. I think she was a little retarded,” Reimu shrugged, sipping her tea. “And I don’t know about you, but I think beating up someone with a mental disorder would put the final nail in the coffin for anybody donating.”

 

    “Well...” Remilia looked over to Sakuya, before turning back. Somebody fancied themselves a superhero? Well, Remilia couldn’t have that.

 

    “Reimu, I’m so sorry, I’ve just remembered something. I need to head over to the...grocery store. Yeah, the store...” Remilia quickly lied. “So since I can’t leave you unattended, you have to go.”

 

    “Why can’t I stay here until you come back?” Reimu wondered.

 

    “Because Sakuya needs to hold my parasol. I need my arms for grocery things. And leaving a guest unattended is asking for trouble.”

 

    Reimu quickly drained the cup of tea, despite the temperature hurting her mouth, especially the missing tooth’s socket, and flew from the window.

 

    “Again, there’s a front door!” Remilia called out after her. She turned around to Sakuya. “Good, now, we need to go to the basement.”

 

    “You, personally?” Sakuya asked. It was a rare occasion where Remilia actually went to the basement, for the simple reasons of her little sister’s insanity and because Flandre, still being a young child, would follow Remilia everywhere, like a lost lamb, constantly talking and asking questions. _Constantly._

 

    “Yes. There won’t be any need for the spray bottle, though. We’re not going to see Little Sister,” Remilia began leading Sakuya down the corridor towards the library basement entrance. “It’s about the plan. In addition, before we go, order your maids into emergency defensive positions, and tell Meiling that her defence fairies should be ready to withstand at least a week’s siege.”

 

    “The plan, Milady?” Sakuya asked, a lot of enthusiasm suddenly gone. Sakuya wished she would simply release whatever she was planning without so much...supervillainy. Sakuya had thought the entire plan through, and a lot of what Remilia was doing was actually pointless. Still, orders were orders.

 

 

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

    Alice grabbed the cup of tea from the flying doll and retreated further into the blanket cocoon she had created around herself. This was what happened when she went outside and did something new. She always made a fool of herself. She didn’t have any ice-cream, so she was making do with extremely sweet tea. How could she be such a fool?! One second of panic. One second of panic had quite possibly ruined one of the only friendships she had. At least she didn’t actually sleep with Marisa. That would’ve caused so much fallout that the work Marisa and Alice had done to stop the hell raven would’ve been for naught. But then again, the current situation was worse. One party thinks that something happened, while the other party knew that nothing happened. And Alice, unlike Marisa, was not a natural liar. She was still wondering how she managed to say many of the things she said.

 

    Alice sat up and sipped her tea, looking at but not really watching the grainy TV screen. She looked at her shelves full of dolls. Alice sipped another mouthful, before controlling Shanghai to place the tea onto a nearby table.

 

    The dollmaker looked down to the stupid emblem on her chest.

 

    There was no point in feeling sorry for herself now.

 

    The current situation was that Remilia Scarlet was planning something. Combined with the similarity of both Remilia’s and the photobomber’s dresses, headwear and even hairstyle, Alice could well be on the way to finally getting the money. That was it. If she got the money, everything would be fine.

 

    Alice shed the blanket cocoon, and picked up Shanghai. She jumped over the sofa and headed for her workbench. She searched through the clutter of needles, wool, yarn and bullet casings, before opening a small drawer. Inside was a tiny crossbow and quiver, something Alice made just in case it was ever needed. She filled the quiver with some sewing needles, before finding a small piece of ribbon. Alice rifled through an old metal toolbox before picking out a knife. She cut two holes in the ribbon before tying it around Shanghai’s head, disguising her.

 

    It was time to bring the heat on the villain of this case.

 

 

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

    Sakuya looked around the giant cave. The ceiling danced with blue lines from a brightly lit pool of water in the center of the cave, the shadow of a metal grate obscuring some of it. The concrete floor looked as if it was recently completed. As the vampire and maid headed further towards the center of the cave, a giant screen mounted on the wall activated in front of them, showing a generic screensaver of a maze. Below the screen, there was a throne and a large wooden desk.

 

    “Milady?” Sakuya asked slowly, turning around as a set of blast doors closed.

 

    “Yes?” Remilia replied, flying up towards a throne positioned in front of the screen and resting her legs on the desk in front of it. She shot a glance over to the lever besides the throne, being careful not to accidentally pull it. She reached forward and picked up a black box, examining it for a switch, before giving up and placing it back on her desk.

 

    “When...did you build this?”

 

    “I was going to surprise Flandre with a newer bedroom, so I had this space excavated about a month ago.” Remilia answered, resting her head on her hand on her throne. “But then that gap hag came to me with an...interesting proposal.”

 

    “What do you mean?”

 

    “Well, she told me that she had a cat, whose biggest dream was to own a large pool filled with money. Don’t ask. So she came to me, and said that if I were to assist in certain aspects, then I would be allowed some of the profits. Which I decided to use for making a power base” Remilia lifted her legs up and lay horizontally on the chair, steepling her hands. “And you know me better than anyone, Sakuya. You know how I’m a total sucker for political power.”

 

    “But...there’s no centralised government to use that power over.”

 

    “Why not create one?” Remilia flashed her fangs menacingly.

 

    “Well, wouldn’t Hakurei have an issue?”

 

    “Hakurei can be persuaded to work for us. A few donations here, a few there, and when I ask her to jump, she’ll ask how high.”

 

    Remilia turned her throne around towards the screen, grinning.

 

    “I think I’ve just outwitted Yukari Yakumo. She just wanted mere toys sold, and now I’m the Queen.”

 

    “What are these toys anyway?” Sakuya asked. She had heard of them. She knew they did something. But she didn’t know what.

 

    “They make pretty lights.”

 

    “...That’s it?”

 

    “Yep. They make pretty lights and a whirring noise. Sakuya, you would be surprised what the average human would sink time and money into,” Remilia laughed. “Seriously, they’re metal boxes that make pretty colors on the ceiling.”

 

    Sakuya laughed slightly. Everything they had done, like ruining that tengu’s photo, taking a photo of a couple waking up, sending it to be made larger (Even if the kappa refused to do so for legal reasons) and the various other minor annoyances Remilia had done, was indeed, utterly pointless. Sakuya wondered if the whole exercise was a prank on her.

 

 

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

    Alice advanced through the underbrush, eventually reaching the place she had punched Reimu at. Looking at the front gate, Alice cursed her luck. The red-haired guard was still on duty.

 

    Alice turned towards Shanghai and nodded, before the doll aimed her little crossbow. Alice focused and felt the direction of the wind, before adjusting her aim accordingly. Finally, she fired. She saw the guard grab her cheek, before looking at her hand and wiping it on her thigh. The guard then began pacing and looking around for the source of the fire. Shanghai reloaded the crossbow and fired again, this time hitting the guard in the leg. The guard opened the gate and ran inside, presumably to get backup.

 

    Alice picked up her doll and flew towards the mansion wall. Quickly, she approached the front gate, which in the guard’s haste to get to safety, had been left open. Alice kept low as she ran inside. She located an open window on the second floor, and took flight up there. She turned around and saw the guard coming back with about five fairies in medieval armor. Alice walked through the small tea room, before stopping at the teapot. She felt it using the back of her hand. It was warm. The room had seen recent activity.

 

    Alice opened the door and crouched low to make as little noise as possible as she began to sneak through the mansion corridors.

 

 

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

    Satori sternly stared at her pets and the pony thing that Utsuho had summoned from another universe. As soon as she heard about the mysterious arson, she had an inkling that it was slightly related to Utsuho. They couldn’t really lie to a mind reader, so now she had the humanoids kneeling and the pony lying down.

 

    “Utsuho, I have come to expect such foolish things from you. But I am surprised at you, Rin,” Satori began. “When you brought the pony here, I dismissed it as a lapse. But this current situation is quite frankly taking the piss.”

 

    “I...” Rin started.

 

    “Don’t talk. I thought I could depend on you.  You seemed to have a good head on your shoulders. Clearly, I’m a horrible judge of character.”

 

    Satori turned her back on the three. “You’re all grounded. Three weeks. While the heat dies off this little arson case. If I get an angry mob here demanding your blood, I’ll let them have your blood. And Rin?”

 

    “Yes?” Rin replied.

 

    “Try harder to keep this bird contained. You of all people know how she gets sometimes.”

 

 

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

     Alice had realised two things from wandering the mansion for twenty minutes. One, she was lost, and two, she could hear footsteps and a song.

 

     Alice continued down the dark, red hallway, before seeing a figure.

 

     A fairy maid, carrying a large pile of folded clothes while humming to herself.

 

    Alice nodded at Shanghai, and the doll took aim and fired. The maid looked at the needle in her arm, before pulling it out and looking for the source of the fire. Alice lunged forward and grabbed the pile of clothes. Before the maid could react, Alice threw the clothes into her face to distract her, before sweeping her legs. The maid fell over, struggling with the dress now wrapped around her head.

 

    Alice began sprinting towards where the maid came from.

 

 

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

    “You know, I still remember the time I found a strange drug in my elder sister’s bedroom. It must have been good, because I’m the oldest child,” Remilia laughed. “So, you ever get high and imagine siblings that never existed?”

 

    “Not really. Anything like that was quite hard to come by where I came from. Opium had gone out of fashion and really, the only drugs around were incredibly dangerous and I never touched the stuff,” Sakuya replied, sitting on a little stool beside Remilia’s throne. "I'd have never been able to get the job I did had I taken anything."

 

 

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

    Alice had definitely gone the right way. The hallways were lighter, there were some windows about, and she was faced with a fairy in armor.

 

    “Right, are you sure you’re supposed to be here?” the security officer asked, advancing on Alice.

 

    “I’m not exactly sure...” Alice replied.

 

    “Okay, so I need to take you to my boss, you need to submit your name and we’ll see if we can get you an appointment. Actually, if you give me your details, I’ll do all that for you, and you can expect an answer in about...three days?”

 

    “Okay, my name is the Puppeteer, and my purpose of visit is to destroy the evil plot your boss is committing.”

 

    “...I’m sorry, run that by me again?” the security fairy asked. Alice rolled her eyes and lunged, her fist making an audible crack on the armor. While Alice recoiled from the pain, the fairy stepped forwards.

 

    “Love, I’d appreciate it if you’d cooperate. Now, can you give me your details?”

 

    Alice geared up for a second attack, kicking out at the fairy. This attack enjoyed more success, knocking the fairy onto her back. The armored fairy struggled to get up, while Alice hobbled away.

 

    She saw a sign on a very large, ornate door.

 

   _Library. Please keep quiet._

_Bibliotecă. Vă rugăm să păstrați liniște._

 

    Alice pushed open the heavy door and advanced inside the great library. As usual, the front desk was staffed by that suited devil. Alice casually strolled up to her.

 

    “Hey, you know where Remilia Scarlet went?” Alice asked, leaning on the desk.

 

    “Hmm?” Koakuma looked up, adjusting a pair of reading glasses. “Do I know you? I swear I know you...”

 

    “You might know me...” Alice answered.

 

    “Eh, if you’re looking for Remilia, she went to the basement about...half an hour ago. She didn’t have the spray bottle or the squeaky dog toy, so she might be in the wine cellar. Don’t take my word for it,” the devil advised. “Why? I’m assuming by all the fetish gear you’re wearing, that something weird is gonna happen?”

 

    “The _what_ gear?!”

 

    “Come on, I’ve seen some videos, lady. I know fetish gear when I see it,” Koakuma chuckled. “It’s okay, I know well enough to just not ask questions.”

 

    “No, I’m not standing here and having my clothing insulted.”

 

    Koakuma shrugged. “I’m sorry, I guess.”

 

    Alice walked away from the demon, her mood darkened, before turning around sheepishly.

 

    “Where-”

 

    “It’s the third door. More armor than a bank vault, you can’t miss it,” Koakuma interrupted. She picked up a newspaper and rested her feet on the desk. “If you end up smelling dried blood, you’ve gone too far.”

 

 

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

    Alice advanced deeper into the sublevels of the mansion. It seemed like the further she went, the more...evil it became. Eventually, she was faced with three doorways.

 

    One was a wooden door to Alice’s left, one was a blast door straight ahead and the final one was a door that looked like it could withstand the Sun itself that stood on Alice’s right.

 

    Alice opened the wine cellar door, expecting a grand cellar stretching into the infinite. Instead, she was confronted by three large barrels and no signs of life. Alice closed the cellar door and turned towards the blast door. She looked to the side and saw a large button. Seeing no other way to open the giant steel door, she jabbed the button.

 

    The doors opened and Alice stepped through. Before her, there was a giant screen showing a 3D animated maze, a large, empty hall with a pool of water in the center, a throne, a desk...and Remilia Scarlet and her maid chatting idly.

 

    Alice advanced forwards towards Remilia. “Scarlet! Your plan ends here!”

 

    “Wait, what the hell!?” Remilia stood up. “I thought the security here was tighter than a nun’s chastity belt!”

 

    “I have fought through your evil forces! You stand no chance against me!”

 

    Remilia looked at Alice, amused. “Uh huh. Yeah. I’m sure.”

 

    “You have one last chance to surrender!” Alice threatened.

 

    “Why would I do that? My plan is nearly complete! Soon I will rule this land!”

 

    “I knew it!” Alice pointed dramatically at Remilia. “I knew you were the culprit!”

 

    “Aww, so my little Alice got her first detective badge?”

 

    “...Who is Alice?” Alice lied, badly.

 

    “Come off it, girl. I can see right through that disguise. You weren’t fooling anybody,” Remilia boasted. “Only a blind person would not see it was you.”

 

    Sakuya blushed and awkwardly looked down, before coughing quietly in embarrassment.

 

    “Well, there’s now a complication...” Remilia growled, as the photo of Alice and Marisa popped up on the screen. Alice scanned the photo carefully.

 

    “No...” Alice whispered. She locked eyes with the vampire. “Why the Hell would you do that?!”

 

    “It amused me.”

 

    “Okay, that’s it. I’m gonna kick your ass!” Alice lunged forwards, only to be blocked by Sakuya suddenly appearing in front of her. The maid’s expression didn’t change as she choke-slammed Alice into the metal grate above the pool of water, denting it. The needles in Shanghai’s quiver fell into the water.

 

    “Punish her for me, Sakuya,” Remilia ordered.

 

    Alice clawed at the maid’s hand, before a voice cut into the fight. A voice all present knew well.

 

    “If you wish to continue life with all four limbs, let go of her now,” the blonde witch growled, walking forwards towards the confrontation.

 

    “Ah, so your wife has arrived, Alice,” Remilia clapped her hands.

 

    “Hey, Remi, quit with the villain act already. While I’m still neutral towards you,” Marisa demanded, flying towards Alice and helping her up. The dollmaker turned to Marisa.

 

    “How did you know I was here?!”

 

    “I headed over your house to check on you, and I saw you leaving in that stupid outfit, so I followed you here,” Marisa answered. “So what’s this about taking over Gensokyo?”

 

    “I decided to elect myself Queen. Technically, I was the only voter, so I won.”

 

    “...I don’t think either democracy or monarchy works like that,” Alice said.

 

    “Whatever.”

 

    Sakuya drew a large combat dagger from a band on her leg. She pointed at the two intruders and beckoned them to attack. The witch leaped forward and kicked up, launching the knife out of the maid’s hand, before jumping up and kicking it again. The knife launched at the screen, breaking it.

 

    “That screen was worth more than your life!” Remilia yelled at the witch.

 

    Marisa ignored her. Sakuya shrugged and cracked her knuckles, before Alice sweeped her legs. The maid threw her arms up and grabbed Alice’s collar, dragging her down. While Alice blocked the impact with her arms, Sakuya met the concrete floor with the back of her head and a dull cracking noise. The maid rolled onto the metal grate and stood back up, woozy from the impact. She lifted up her hands to attack again, but was unable to focus on the two sets of identical twins in front of her. She could feel something dripping down the back of her head, and the lights of the cave were disorienting her even more. Marisa drew her weapon and aimed at the grate.

 

    “Master Spark!” the witch declared, as a giant laser destroyed the metal grate, sending the injured maid into the water and the actual laser. When the laser fire ended, the maid was floating face up in the water, a scorch mark on the rock behind her.

 

    The vampire gasped, before jumping up into the air and hovering over the pool. She lifted Sakuya up and placed her safely a few feet from the pool. She placed her hand under the maid’s head, feeling some blood on it.

 

    “I’m sorry...” Sakuya whispered.

 

    “It’s okay. You did your job,” Remilia replied. She stood up and turned around.

 

    “You’re about to learn that you should never piss off a vampire,” Remilia growled, baring her fangs. She picked up the fallen maid and flew back to her throne, placing Sakuya behind it to shield her, before pulling a lever next to the throne. “It was lovely knowing you two.”

 

    An armored door opened in the floor, in a darkened corner of the room. Remilia’s smile turned evil. Well, more evil than usual.

 

    “My plan for you has changed. My new plan is simple: More pain. You see, nobody, I repeat, _nobody_ ever screws with _my_ staff except **me**!”

 

    Lights switched on around the elevator - Something that wouldn’t look out of place on board an aircraft carrier. On the elevator, a lone figure stood.

 

    Marisa and Alice took a step back.

 

    It was Flandre Scarlet. Remilia was really annoyed if she was involving Flandre as a weapon.

 

    The younger vampire turned towards Remilia. “Hey sis! What’s this thing do?”

 

    “I will answer that later...” Remilia replied, rolling her eyes.

 

    “Hey, why is the screen broken?” Flandre asked, suddenly right next to the older Scarlet, causing her to jump in surprise. The younger Scarlet looked down, her smile suddenly replaced by a frown. “...Who hurt Sakuya?”

 

    Remilia pointed at the two intruders. “They did.”

 

    Marisa looked at Alice. “I’ll deal with Flan. You get Remilia.”

 

    “That’s crazy!” Alice argued.

 

    “Crazy’s just another name for awesome,” Marisa chuckled. She produced a can of cheap beer from a side pocket, before opening it and taking a mouthful. She then pushed the can into Alice’s hand and flashed that same smile to her. “Hold my beer.”

 

    Marisa took off forwards and met the young vampire. Instantly, a right hook sent the witch into the wall. Alice looked down at the beer and shrugged, before drinking the rest of the can and throwing it at Flandre. She wasn’t drinking for courage. She was drinking because it was most likely the last drink she’ll ever have.

 

    The can struck the vampire on the leg. Flandre looked down at Alice, before focusing on Marisa again.

 

    “Marisa! Hurting people is bad! You shouldn’t hurt my friend!” Flandre yelled, in that tone Remilia knew well enough. The Play Tone. To Flandre, this was the game where one doll would hit another, and the child would then chastise the first doll. A game that Flandre liked to play for keeps.

 

    Flandre lunged again at the crawling Marisa, before being blocked by something.

 

    Shanghai.

 

    Flandre held the doll, before turning around to Alice.

 

    “Hey, you’re the person who makes all my toys!” Flandre’s expression changed so quickly it frightened Alice. In one second, sheer anger was replaced with childish curiosity.

 

    Remilia cracked a smile. She knew what was happening next.

 

    “How did you learn to sew?”

    “Can I make a doll?”

    “What’s inside them?”

    “My doll broke, can you fix her?”

 

    Remilia’s half-smile developed into a full smile. It was happening.

 

    Marisa got to her feet and looked at the younger sister, being occupied with asking Alice a bunch of questions. She could obviously see that Alice was starting to get annoyed with the way Flandre was violating her personal space constantly.

 

    Marisa lunged at the older sister. Remilia jumped backwards and landed with her back to the wall, and fired a barrage of magic in retaliation. The witch dodged every round with ease. Unsatisfied, the vampire launched another barrage. The witch dodged again. Remilia slammed her foot on the ground, before launching a single large projectile. Marisa didn’t dodge that one, and she was sent flying into the desk. Everything on the desk went flying towards the floor near Alice and Flandre.

 

    Flandre turned towards the new stimuli and stared.

 

    There was a black box on the floor, projecting a map of stars onto the ceiling. The young vampire forgot all rage and all curiosity right there as she sat at the box, gazing into the stars above, a look on her face that could only spell inner peace.

 

   

     "I know everything. I feel everything..." Flandre whispered to herself, staring into space.

 

   

     Remilia stared at her sister. It was there that she knew she was fated to lose. The very object of her domination had turned against her.

 

    The vampire stared at Alice and Marisa as the pair approached her.

 

    “You...you’re really angry over the photo, aren’t you?” Remilia questioned, trying to hold on to the last shred of dignity she had. She was for it now, and it was taking all of her willpower not to burst into childish tears.

 

    “What do you reckon?” Alice growled in reply. “You’ve caused a lot of screw ups.”

 

    “But...but I...”

 

    “Apologise. Now.”

 

    “... _Bine. Îmi pare rău. Ești fericit? Acum, lasă-mă în pace,_ ” Remilia whispered, pouting.

 

    “No. Do it properly,” Alice placed her foot on the vampire’s leg and put weight onto it.

 

    “I said it in my first language, what more could you want?!” Remilia exclaimed.

 

    “Leave it, Ali. That’s the best you’ll ever get out of her,” Marisa put her hand on Alice’s shoulder and led her away, before returning to the defeated Scarlet.

 

    “You want me to apologise to you too? You’ve ruined enough of my day!”

 

    “No. But I promise you that if you act like a crazy fool again, I will not treat either you or your sister, or your servants as kindly as I did,” Marisa threatened, putting on her best Reimu impersonation. “When I want people hurt, they get hurt. You know why doctors around here specialise in knee replacement? Me.”

 

    “Servants? Plural?” Alice asked, concerned. She turned around and focused on Shanghai. The doll flew over and rested in her hands.

 

    “Got a bit of lip from the library front desk. And no, not the lip you’re thinking of,” Marisa answered, standing up and dusting herself off. “Come on, I think we’ve made our point clear.”

 

 

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

    Reimu gave a dim look towards the pair sitting the opposite side of the table. Remilia had given her quite the story about Marisa and Alice. The two had broken in, assaulted her staff and herself before making her apologise in a different language for offences never committed. It had ruined the start-up business Remilia was planning and put her maid out of commission. Well, Remilia had to order her to recover, since Sakuya was still trying to work despite her injuries.

 

    “So you broke into the Scarlet Devil Mansion, beat up a bunch of maids and servants, before beating the crap out of Remilia’s maid so bad she forgot what year it was and thought she was in another country, and then you gave Flandre a toy, and forced Remilia to apologise to you?” Reimu grunted. “I knew that you’re a bloody idiot Marisa but come on. I was there literally twenty minutes before any of this happened. And there was nothing evil going on.”

 

    “She was behind everything. She was going to take over Gensokyo. Again,” Alice defended herself. “I acted in order to save everyone.”

 

    "The fact that somebody was critically injured was the part where I am most concerned. Yes, our jobs require a few cracked skulls or broken ribs, but as a means to an end, not the end itself. If you shoot somebody, and in the process, they crash and break their legs, then that's their hard luck and they should not have got in the way. But if I beat somebody and cause those injuries without engaging in a duel, then guess what? I have to ensure that they don't die. This is mostly because if somebody dies as a result of my activities, then I have a potential blood feud with the deceased's friends and family. Let's avoid that, shall we?" Reimu lectured, pacing across the room, drilling a cold stare into the two women in front of her. "Remember, Marisa, you might be my friend but if you mess up too much, I will take away your right to do my job for me. And with your diverse career history, it's not like you're finding any other job after this."

 

    "Can we not bring my previous employment contracts into this?" Marisa replied. "And besides, it's not like you firing me will stop me from doing anything. So yeah, keep that in mind."

 

    Reimu stared at Alice. “You were wearing a strange uniform at that mansion. Very similar to both the one you have on right now, and the one that belonged to some girl who tried to deck me. Care to explain, or should I crack your kneecaps first?”

 

    “...I pretended to be a superhero so I could get money from the Bunbunmaru without Marisa stealing it but then it went too far and I kinda rolled with it.”

 

    “Wow, you _really_ don’t trust me, do you?” Marisa sulked. She stood up.

 

    “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Reimu questioned, standing up to challenge the witch.

 

    “I’m going to get my personal affairs in order. And to be perfectly honest, I only got involved because I saw Alice getting wailed on by Izayoi. So I didn’t break in with her.”

 

    Marisa tapped Alice on the shoulder and beckoned for her to follow. The pair walked out of the shrine and Marisa mounted her broom, before flying away, Alice in tow. Once they reached a very high altitude, Marisa stopped and shifted over on the broom.

 

    “Sit down,” Marisa ordered. Alice complied and sat on the front of the broom.

 

    “What do you want to-”

 

    “You really think I would do that?”

 

    “Do what?”

 

    “Steal that much money from you?”

 

    “Well, you’ve stolen much more than that before...”

 

    “But from you,” Marisa responded. “Yes or no, it’s really not hard.”

 

    “...I had suspicions.”

 

    “After everything? After everything we have done. Even after...that.”

 

    “Okay, I gotta admit something...” Alice whispered. “...We never had sex. You were high, and I was wearing my superhero costume. I had hidden in your house after punching Reimu, so when she walked in, I panicked, and I wanted to embarrass her so she’d leave. But then I said she could stay out of habit, and I laid there all night hating myself.”

 

    “...It was all so freaking simple,” Marisa laughed, placing a rolled-up cigarette into her lips and lighting it with her mini-Hakkero. “You know what? After the prank I tried pulling with the Harrier last month on your house, I was expecting one hell of a counterattack. And this? Damn, I never thought you’d get this hardcore. Conflict escalation, thy name is Alice.”

 

    “What? You’re fine with it?! I made you think you screwed everything up! Why aren’t you murdering me right now?!”

 

    “Because I’m willing to let you get away with stuff. Reimu? Hell no. If she pisses me off enough I’ll make sure she knows it. Like back there, I would've blown up at her if it weren't for what you said. She didn't need to bring my previous job into it." Marisa explained "But you? I don’t know...I never had that same drive.”

 

    “Why do you think that?”

 

    “Maybe because you do crazy things like tricking me into thinking I compromised our entire relationship because I tried landing a jet fighter on your house,” Marisa blew smoke through her nose. “Or that you dressed like a superhero and KO’d Sakuya. Little things like that.”

 

    “Uh huh. So you think I’m crazy.”

 

    “To be fair, everybody thinks you’re crazy,” Marisa replied. “But whatever, the world needs more crazy people. If anything, I don’t feel so alone when the room is filled with people talking to themselves and drawing on the walls in their own blood.”

 

    “You’re not crazy. You’re just unbelievably reckless to the point of suicidal overconfidence,” Alice answered, swinging her legs in the cold wind.

 

    “And to the casual observer, that’s crazy,” Marisa responded. ”Let’s face it, everyone in the whole world is insane. It’s just how everything operates. I can’t see order in the world. We try and make it, but ultimately, everything is so chaotic that we might as well go along for the ride because we aren’t stopping it. No matter how much we want to get off the wild ride, we’ll still ride it. Even after we die, we'll just end up in Hell to ride a different ride. A full theme park of insanity. Makes me wish I was an engineer.”

 

    “I think that’s the most profound thing I’ve ever heard you say.”

 

    “Don’t get used to it,” Marisa warned. She sat forward on the broom and turned Alice around to do the same.

 

    “What are you-”

 

    “You steer, I’ll do the pedals,” Marisa laughed, before taking off at top speed. The dollmaker grabbed the front of the broom and pointed it towards the Forest of Magic.

 

    “I’m going home.”

 

    “Not yet...just fly with me for a while,” Marisa asked. “I want to show you that you can trust me. And I’m going to show that I trust you. I won’t let us crash. I promise you.”

 

    The broom slowed down quickly, cruising at a comfortable speed. The two stayed silent as the speed picked up again, and soon the broom was executing advanced combat maneuvers. It seemed as if they were communicating telepathically. For a few minutes, both fliers were perfectly synchronised.

 

    “See?” Marisa whispered, wrapping her arms around Alice. “You can trust me.”

 

    Alice froze slightly at the sudden contact, before relaxing. “Yeah...”

 

    “Come on, let’s go home,” Marisa answered. “You steer.”

 

-[o+o]-

 

    Remilia glanced at the sleeping maid. The moment where her head met the ground kept repeating in her mind. She should’ve intervened, instead of sitting there like a cat watching a mouse die. Normally, Remilia did not care at all about seeing people injured. Most of the time she found it funny, especially if they made a weird face. But when it was somebody she actually cared about, it suddenly wasn’t funny. The worst part was that they got away with it.

 

    “I guess I’ll have to get vengeance on them,” Remilia said to herself. “And I guess I’ll invite you out too for it. It’ll be fun, right?”

 

    The maid stirred from her sleep. “Hmm?”

 

    “I was just saying that after you recover, we’ll totally beat those two up for this.”

 

    “That sounds like a nice day out,” Sakuya laughed slightly. “But I can work now. I don’t think something simple like a little head injury would keep me down.”

 

    “...If you feel that you can, then I’ll leave you to get into your uniform,” Remilia stood up from her seat. “Heh. What am I saying? Of course you can.”

 

    Remilia walked out of the room to allow Sakuya some privacy. As she advanced back towards her throne room, she giggled to herself for thinking that Sakuya would be out any longer than twelve hours. Worry must have clouded her mind. This was Sakuya she was talking to, one of the toughest women that Remilia ever knew. That incident many years ago had confirmed that. Even after recieving one of the most brutal beatings Remilia ever saw, Sakuya still got up and managed to keep fighting, despite some rather serious injuries that if anything had gone any different, Sakuya would have been crippled for life. 

 

    First though, Sakuya would have to clean up the cave. Marisa Kirisame damaged it very badly.

 

    Maybe she should chase up the bill for that huge screen they broke.

 

 

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

    “Well, this is my stop,” Alice said, hopping off the broom and landing at the front door of her house. She turned to the witch. “See you around, I guess.”

 

    “Wait...before I go, I just want to talk a bit more,” Marisa asked, landing alongside Alice. “It’s really important.”

 

    “It’s about us, isn’t it?”

 

    “Well, yeah...” Marisa looked down at her feet. “Look, I’m just going to ask you two things.”

 

    “Alright.”

 

    “One, do you think there’s a chance? Of us, I mean? After everything?”

 

    “...I’m not even sure...”

 

    “Alright, I get it. Second question, do you want to give it a shot anyway?”

 

    “You would’ve asked that even if I said no to the first question?” Alice asked.

 

    “Yes,” Marisa stated bluntly.

 

    “...I’m not sure...I think after all that’s happened, we’ll have to take it from the top. Like we’ve never met before.”

 

    “Fine by me,” Marisa replied, getting back on her broom. “I’ll leave you alone now...”

 

    “Yeah, bye...” Alice waved the witch off, before heading inside her house. She shuffled her feet inside, exhausted from the whole series of events. What had started out as a money making exercise ended with her agreeing to a date with Marisa, knocking a maid’s lights out and breaking into the Scarlet Devil Mansion.

 

    Alice sat down and sighed before being hit by a realisation.

 

    _She forgot to get the money from that journalist._

 

 

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

    Aya sat alone in her office. Nobody had offered any information despite the large reward. Maybe there truly was nothing to go on. With a heavy heart, she began typing up a headline.

 

    _BUNBUNMARU RECALLS REWARD FOR INFORMATION PERTAINING TO PHOTOBOMBING - LACK OF RESPONSE._

 

    Aya sighed and got up to go to the printer. Did everybody in this land really dislike her so much that not even absurd amounts of money could sway them to help her?

 

    “Wow, I’ve really got to work on my PR...” Aya sighed, walking over to the printer.

 

 

 

-[o+o]-

 

   Alice ripped the newspaper in half just from sheer rage. After all that emotional, physical and psychological battering, Aya had the nerve to withdraw the reward.

 

    Alice stood up, her eyes glassed over. She walked over to her workbench and picked up her mask. Somebody needed a punching, and this time, Alice knew who, where and why...

 

    Maybe the superhero act isn't such a bad idea after all...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good God, this took WAY too long to write. I'm really sorry about that. I got lazy. Although easily the biggest delays were caused by the shipping sections. Never been good with feelings and stuff like that. At least I got it out on Christmas.
> 
> I realise that Marisa/Alice is quite generic, but I kinda wanted to, in a sense, ensure that there's no possible way for anyone to think I'm taking this seriously. The relationship to canon this series has is basically "Try and stick close as I can to canon and canon events, but if it's between canon and telling the story, I'll kick canon out the window and go a bit nuts." which is basically the only excuse I can give for Alice Margatroid of all people being a superhero, or the fact that Alice, Marisa and Sakuya had a fistfight instead of a danmaku fight. 
> 
> Maybe shipping was the completely wrong way to do that, but whatever, we'll find out. And besides, I'll confess that I like Marisa/Alice because it's a good way to get a straight man/funny man routine going on.
> 
> Also, what was Sakuya's previous job? I'm not telling, so watch me reveal it a paragraph into the next fic or something.
> 
> Speaking of the next fic, that'll come out Summer 2043, when Skynet allows me to write it using my cyborg hands.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this took longer than I thought to write. I've wanted to have Alice as a main character for a while, because she's awesome. 
> 
> Cockney Gangster Reimu is my personal view on her, because of her canon behaviour. Yes, I know she's supposed to be nicer outside of work, but I find her more psychotic and sadistic side to be more conductive to being funny.
> 
> In terms of Rumia eating Cirno, it's kinda a headcanon of mine that youkai can eat fairies, but it's their version of drinking your own piss to survive. Still, I guess that makes Rumia into Youkai Bear Grylls. Maybe she should start producing a survival show where she goes around Gensokyo with a cameraman and does some gruesome shit.
> 
> On a side note - Youkai Bear Grylls? Somebody write that shit.
> 
> Also, I had way too much fun writing Marisa on magic mushrooms. I based all of her lines from things I've said when high on something.
> 
> If you can recognise the game show Alice was watching, I will love you forever.


End file.
